myspace has taken over the world

i'm really happy =) & my life is finally stable. sure, i've said that a million times on my xanga. maybe even a million & one times. but as of right now, everything just seems really right. like what was once a scattered puzzle, is now picture perfect. everything just fits together. maybe "picture perfect" is a little extreme, but i'm just really satisfied with the way things are going. sure i might have a limited amount of friends, but the relationships that i do choose to hold close and dear to me, are stable & very satisfying. that's all that matters. oh right, i don't work at starbucks anymore. it was actually really sad for me cuz i really loved that job. and i kinda lost myself for a while after it ended. i will not say fired, because god i fucking hate the way that sounds. its such a degrading word, and it makes me sound like such a failure. but whatever. i am NOT a failure and i know that. i stuck with starbucks for 9 months, and i was damn good at wat i did. in the long run i really let the stress get to me. i was lacking sleep, still trying to maintain a social life, and working 30 - 40 hrs a week. and then theres always the occassional drama that seemed to creep right in there. anyways, i'm not about to try an explain in full details the reason i got fired or make excuses. rather, let's talk about the GOOD STUFF =) i'm 17 now & my summer was amazing! i went to new york with sue, i got my license, i got a beautiful car, i got a job, and i have a fabulous boyfriend!  i dont know if i've written about him before but whatever here it is. his name is claude, he's guyanese. i met him on february 17 of this year. and we've been talking, flirting, being cute together ever since =) lol. we're great together and he makes me very happy. he's so good to me and i'm just.... one lucky girl hehe. anyways. here's some more details on the other good stuff i just told you about. my car- a blue 02 acura rsx named mika. she's a beauty ;]  my job- i am now working at rio grande cafe as a hostess & soon to be a receptionist at any hair salon lol. (i'm trying for cahra!) anyways i think this is a good solid entry. i just felt like even tho no1 ever reads this, it'll still be here to look back on... if only for my own personal reasons.

by the way why wasn't project runway on tonight?! i was so freaking excited and then poof it wasn't on. i guess they're skipping a week? idk i was sad =(

peace and love yo.

kb

i really honestly don't have a lot to say.

i realized that my stress at work was mainly because our air conditioning was broken and the heat had been on wen it was already hot as BALLS outside in the first place. yeah shit is insane. i hate sweating and working in nastyness. so thats probably why work was stressing me out and since work is basically 80% of my pathetic life... it affected the other 20% as well i guess. it's funny how i'm living this crazy life of mine. working, out of high school, taking the GED path, tryna get a jump start on my career and independence-- it really makes me believe i have the right to say stupid shit to my parents, like i REALLY am an adult, but i'm not. it amazes me sometimes the shit i think i can say to them and get away with it. but sometimes i get so wrapped up in my "adult-like" lifestyle that i think i could really financially support myself on my own and that i dont need them. what i hate is that it takes such a serious situation or fight to bring you to realization as to how important they really are to you. i mean me. watever; you get the point. they really are my world right now. they are the foundation to ME. to who i am right now. without them i would be nothing. absolutely NOTHING. im so grateful. and i love them more than anything =)

random ish:

hahahaha. im liking the words ive put caps on. balls, ged, really, me and nothing. i guess i'm cool huh. all you wootton kids have fun at jr banquet =) as for me... could you just GUESS wat im doing that night... hmmmmm... it begins with an S and ends with tarbucks? lol. life. its splendid. on a lighter note. i fucking love boomin, hanners & sboo. we. are. homies. point blank. aaaaaaaaaaand im done. kb

okay. i promise its passed.

no more depressing entries... at least not for a while-- HOPEFULLY. im in florida. maybe thats why im so freaking happy. or maybe it's because i had the best 4/20 of all 4/20s that i've ever had. yeah that's probably it. AND NO BLAZING!! wow. can u believe it? i had a great dayyyy =) my mom & i came down here to boca raton, florida on wednesday to visit her bestest friend rita, which is who we're staying with. they've been bffers for like 36 years... and no thats not an exaggeration. totally true. and i think thats SO FREAKING COOL. me & sue are gonna be like that. best believe it bitches. well anyways. todayyy... i was supposed to go to the beach with the two of them... butttt i couldnt wake up haha.. typical i know. but then i woke up at around... 1/2ish? and tanned a little & jumped in the pool... swam around. then they got back and we went to this awesome king tut exhibit. its been traveling the world... so my mom says... and it was in fort lauderdale so we went & it was so freaking awesome. theres this heiroglyphic symbol thing that i really like... it means life & kings would hold a gold ankh (which is wat its called) in their tomb so they would have eternal immortality in their afterlife. i just think thats awesome. so i got a necklace with it. aaaand yeah. IM LUNCHING. after that...we went to las olas blvd. and man is that strip cool. it has all of these independent shops that are really neat & have sum really cool, unique shtuff. AAND sum really great places to get ur grub on. we all ate at this place called cafe la bonne crepe. haha. french bistro place thingy. really great food. i had gazpacho maison & coquille st. jacques. yummy =) thennnnn.... i got chanel sunglasses. i just had to. i've been wanting sum for a while now... aaand yeah. gosh happy day =) i really think work has been stressing me out so hardcore... thats why i had been feeling pretty crappy. but yay i feel better!! hopefully this will last a while. pce & love.

feeling shitty. yeah-- story of my life.

i take a look at my scars... i guess it isn't too bad. not as bad as it has been. but it'll pass, as does everything. all the music on my computer isn't even close to being satisfactory. everything is so boring.. so fucking pointless. im listening to james blunt "goodbye my lover". yeah just listen to this song for 10 seconds, you'll get a slight drift as to how i'm feeling. pretty fucking depressed. i'm so hollow baby, i'm so hollow. yeah. i guess that fits. is it weird that i have this song on repeat? the piano is kinda soothing. why is my life so empty; so disappointing & lame? work, sleep, work, sleep. ugh. someone save me from this abyss of fucking emptiness & boredom. i find myself becoming so irritable. & about such minor things. today i wanted to shoot myself at work-- i guess because in that 6 hour time span that i'm there, there are way too many incidents having to do with these pesky "minor" things that i'm talking about. way too many. and it adds up and becomes one big thing.. no longer minor. and then i wanna bitch slap someone. customers are pissing me off so bad, it's unreal. whether they're the super friendly kind, or the super "im so shoved up my ass i can hardly breathe" kind. and it's always hot as balls in my store. and when it's that fucking hot when you're just trying to work & shit, it makes everything worse times a million. yeah... this is not a happy entry. basically because a xanga entry reflects on how your life has been recently. and in my case... its been fucked up & ugh. which is what this entry is. i'm sure i'll be fine tomorrow. not exactly sure, but hopeful i guess. this shit always happens. maybe i really need a cigarette. blah. this song is so depressing. and yet it's the only song that is somewhat satisfying. whatever. i am so antisocial these days. it's so sad & unbelievable to me. where did my free spirit run to? always running wild, but it seems like it won't ever be back. it ran far, far away. it ran to this place.

this beautiful place. safe from pain, heartache & rejection. where there is air. clean refreshing air, where the sky is clear of clouds. such a beautiful place. too bad i won't ever be back there again. *sigh. i feel like crying. yet i've been holding them back for so long now, almost making it habit. i guess they naturally stay locked up inside. whatever i'm done now, i'm just writing because i have nothing better. ugh. goodbye my lover. goodbye my friend. u have been the one, u have been the one for me.

wadup every1.

hmmmm..... so recently.... ive been wantin to splurge on really expensive things.... like roberto cavalli cerbero sunglasses. look them shits up. theyr HOT. swarovski crystals on the side. makes me wanna orgasm HA... seirously tho... theyr soooooooooo hot. too bad theyr like... $390. but then i think and im like alrite... i HAVE money... and if i sell my BCBG dress that was like 300 or something like for half price... thats still getting me a little bit closer to those sunglasses u kno... idk... and if i save up my tip money each week instead of spending on food or watever.... i can definitely get those shades. i want em so bad. every1 thinks im freakin insane... but i work hard for the money i get.... so why cant i spend it? why does every1 think im crazy? idk man... i also want like shoes... i saw these really hot open toe stilletto sandal things... at guess... 90 bux... i really just feel like splurging recently... i guess becuz ive been saving and now i just really feel like spending =) its not like its not deserved or nething. so... yeah. i also want pumas. pumas are hot.... and im kinda done with the whole air forces, reebok classics "ghetto" look. its too juvenile.... but hey thats just my OWN opinion. for me. i mean a lot of girls can rock the hell out of forces and reeboks and ish... and look great... but im done with that look. hmmmm...... ive been hitting the gym, working, tanning... superficial stuff i guess? but i dont give a shit. if i wanna look better for this upcoming spring/summer... then ima do it. and its gonna make me happier and more satisfied with myself... and overall im gonna feel better and thats all that really matters. *sigh. food makes me wanna kill myself sumtimes. like i get really depressed wen i eat nowadays. eh watever. im so bored and unsatisfied with life these days... with maryland... with my job even SOMETIMES... hardly but i mean shit happens and i feel crappy every now and again-- even about starbucks. i just need my license omgosh. life will be so much better wen i get that license. 110 days =) and no im not actually counting. i have a countdown on my phone haha. and 95 days till im 17 babyyyy... hells yes. well im out. cuz im bored.

love~